Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Working for Cash, Booze . . . & Very, Very Young Love

So, it has been difficult locking down audience/background work the last couple weeks. Its fine, I needed the time to focus on my rewrite and the pilot. That said, I owe people money.

Yesterday, I applied at a strip club for a cocktail waitressing position. It is the only tipping service job post willing to train. Meagan asked if she could come along, just for fun.

I put on a little black dress and showed up at Meagan's. She was in a black, button-up dress with a pearl necklace and pearl earrings. She has black hair up with bangs, gorgeous blue eyes. She is a very fresh faced, beautiful girl ... kind of like Nicole Kidman fused with a Kennedy.

She said, "How do I look? Should I change?"

I said, "You look like a Kennedy. But you shouldn't change. I want to see their faces when they see Jackie Onassis walking in. Can we have a shot before we go? I am nervous."

Meagan, never one to judge, "Sure."

She poured two shots of champagne bourbon, was it? It was mild, but we psyched each other into our shots like football players. Then left.

The place was in Encino, and it looked pretty clean. It was early in the afternoon so there were only two guys at the bar, talking to two girls. The bartender was an early twenty something with a glass of brandy and her laptop on the bar, surfing through Facebook. The counter top was glowing in blue.

There were two pole stages and one was in front of an aquarium. The girls looked like they had bad skin and were much younger than me.

The manager came out for my resume. He was very business-like, no eye contact, no flirtation, right to business. That actually put me at ease. He left to go get an application.

I looked at Meagan and said, "This feels good. I feel like I am getting some kind of great revenge against my family and ex-boyfriends. My parents would be pissed, Flip Flop wouldn't like this, Not for Profit . . ." I inhaled deeply and let it out with a yoga twist and neck roll. "So satisfying."

I filled out the application and he said, "Call me Thursday night. You don't have a problem wearing corsets, do you?"

I said, "What? Oh, corsets. Not at all. I love it!" He laughed. I said, "Whatever it takes."

I need a job that will require a minimum of time for a maximum of money. I know, everyone is looking for that. However, my career requires I have the time and energy to daydream, write & perform. Anyway, could anything be worse than being an assistant in Hollywood? I don't think so. Maybe . . . but I really don't think so.

An opportunity came up yesterday morning to work a fashion show in West LA. Small job, a few hours for a minimum of $30, free cocktails and valet. Naturally, I was all over it.

Matt and I have exchanged numbers so we can carpool to jobs now. We arrived very early, about half an hour early, so we got baked in my car before stumbling in around 6pm.

The guy who checks everyone in on behalf of the Menopausal Monster who owns the company is named Travis. Travis is tall, polite, kind and . . . very cute. Matt told me Travis just went to Maine to visit family, so when we checked in I said, "How was Maine?" He said, "Wonderful, thank you for asking." Somebody said, "Are they really giving us drinks?" And Travis said, "Yeah, and this will never happen again so enjoy it."

I asked the person handling legal paperwork what the event was. They said it was a fashion show inspired by four wives of rock legends. He belted out some names but I didn't recognize any of them.

We were instructed to walk in as if we were simply attending a red carpet event with our friends and to help ourselves to the open bar. Everything was going to be taped once we walked in.

So we walked in and helped ourselves.

We were in an outdoor, industrial garden that was converted from a Smog Check Station. The concrete and brick walls opened up to an all grass runway and several wood benches for us to sit on. Matt knows Jerry, who is a really cute, wholesome looking married kid. His face was alabaster with green eyes, clean cut. Jerry is the type of guy I was drawn to as a Grad student. He reminds me very much of a dear (married) friend I was in love with.

Genital Herpes was there. He looked different. We made eye contact at the bar and I said, "I know you." He said, "Hi, how are you? You look wonderful." I said, "Thanks. Ross Dress for Less." He turned away to tend to his drink and then joked about how little he cared how good I looked. What an obnoxious asshole.


There were only two base liquors we could have, vodka and bourbon. So cruel. There was soda, soda water, OJ and cranberry juice for mixing. It should be no surprise that the Boca patty and nuts & berries I ate as meals that day provided no good base in my stomach.

Me, "So, Jerry . . . you moved out here from some town in the middle of the country?"

Jerry, "Reno, actually."

Me, "Oh, nice. Came here with stars in your eyes and a pocket full of change. Was your wife your high school sweetheart?"

Jerry, "No, but I met her shortly after I moved out here."

Me, "Of course. And you fell in love at first sight."

Jerry nodded and smiled.

Me, "Your parents are really loving and supportive I bet."

Jerry, "Wonderful parents!"

Me, "Of course . . . of course! And when you proposed to your wife, you got down on one knee in public . . ."

Jerry, "I meant to. I did the knee fake out, then got nervous and stood back up."

Jerry was sitting next to a very tall, young boy. His hair was in hot bed head mode and he had a really beautiful smile. Very young. Very very very very very young. God.

I said, "What type of drink did you get Frosty Tips Hair Dye?" His hair was frosted on the tips.

He said, "Just vodka and soda water. It's terrible."

I said, "What's your name so I don't have to call you Frosty Tips Hair Dye?"

He said, "David."

I was trying not to overlook Jerry or Matt, but he looked very appealing to me. I couldn't help myself.

I said, "What do you do or hope to become?"

He said, "This."

I said, "Background work? Do you want to be an actor?"

He said, "No."

I said, "Well what are your aspirations?"

He said, "I don't know."

I turned to Jerry and Matt. "He doesn't know."

Turning back to him, I said, "How old are you?"

He said, "23" oooffff . . . 23 and later found out from Montana.

I looked to Matt and Jerry and said, "That's exactly what I need in my life, a tall 23 yr-old with no aspirations." Everyone laughed and I said, "No, seriously." My heavy heart and the rejection cloaked in total apathy from my last boyfriend has forced me to do nothing BUT appreciate 23 yr-old David.

Turning back to him, "Did you go to college?"

Him, "Um . . . no."

Me, "What did you study in high school?"

Him, "I don't know."

Me, "Do you know anything?"

Him, "I don't know."

A woman with gigantic fake boobs and a very pretty face (I might add) was walking around. I said, "Those boobs don't look like mine. I mean . . . Jesus, even I can't stop staring at those. David, what do you prefer?"

David, "What?"

The woman with fake boobs sat down directly in front of us. She knew we were talking about her and turned her head so her ear was practically against my mouth.

Me, "Do you like . . . bigger . . . or small ones, like mine?"

David, "What?"

Me, "Boobs."

David, "Oh, I don't know."

Me, "On that note, I am getting another drink."


At the bar, Genital Herpes walks up.

Me, "You really have to stop following me around, its getting embarrassing."

GP, "I know, I am hopelessly in love with you." Then he walked into a lamp.

Oh, Jesus, we were already buzzed.

I turned around and there was David. He was smiling at me and walking slowly to the bar. Man, he was tall.

This time I tried OJ and vodka. I pulled change out of my purse and apologized to the bartender, "Sorry, its an unemployed actress tip."

We walked back to our seats but two girls were now sitting next to Matt, so we moved over a bench.

Me, "Are you going to ask my name?"

David (laughs), "What?"

Me, "My name. Do you want to know it?"

David, "Uh ... yeah."

Me, "You have to ask me."

He turned his head down to his lap. Then he laughed and looked up to me. He had a sideways grin and just looked so . . . boyish and innocent.

Me, "Yes, David. Would you like to ask me a question?"

David giggled. "Um ... "

Me, "Yes?"

David, "What's your name?"

So I told him.

He laughed again. "You're scary."

Me, "I'm scary?"

David, "Yes, you are scary but good."

I turned to Jerry and told him I frightened the young boy. Jerry said, "What scares you about her? Is it her confidence? Is it that she is older?"

David, "Um . . ."

Me, "How old do you think I am?"

David, "23?"

I turned to the two guys behind me. I don't know why. One was an older guy, by older I mean just a little older than me. The guy next to him was bored out of his mind, probably not drinking. The older guy in glasses engaged me.

Me, "How old do I look?"

Glasses, "Too young for me."

Me, "What?"

Glasses, "I like them older."

Me, "That is refreshing."

Glasses, "Maybe we could work out, do you like a man who cooks for you?"

Me, "Yes, but I am vegan. So you would have to go the extra mile."

Glasses, "How does Spanish rice stuffed in bell peppers sound?"

Me, "Carby. But it would probably taste good."

Glasses, "For dessert, champagne sorbet with dark chocolate truffles?"

I smiled. "I love champagne."

Glasses, "Of course, imagine how it tastes in sorbet."

Me, "That sounds really good actually."

Glasses, "Well, maybe next Wednesday night I could break in my new kitchen with some good, home vegan cooking."

I said, "That sounds nice."

Wow, night and day with difference of 15 years.


I am up at the bar again, and David follows. I tell the bartender.

Me, "The boy says I scare him?"

The bartender laughs.

David, (to me) "I love you."

Me, "Interesting. I accept that."

The bartender laughs.

Bartender, "Man, if they scare you, that's good. Enjoy."

We returned to our seats.

Me, "What's your favorite color?"

David, "Whatever color my mom is wearing that day."

Me, "Your mother!?"

Jerry, "Dude, you aren't 12 years old anymore so guess what? You can pick your own fucking color."

Mary is regular background talent. I have seen her around.

I said to Mary, "David here has no aspirations. However, I think he could be a dispensary of pleasure. (to David) Maybe you just need a little training, huh David? Feel like learning a few things?"

Jerry to David, "Hey man, enjoy this. You are a tall, good looking guy with your whole life ahead of you. Take every opportunity coming your way tonight." Even Glasses patted him on the back, like he was a boy getting ready for his Bar Mitzvah.

David was hunched over.

Me, "What's wrong with your posture? Your mother wouldn't approve of this, would she?"

David, "I have a boner."

Me (sip), "Oh."

The fashion show started. Bathing suits up and down the runway, all of a sudden. Oh yeah, we were at a show taping.

David, "I can guess your age through your lips."

Me, "My lips?"

David quickly pecked me. "22"

I laughed. He pecked me again. "21"

Me, "Flattering, thank you. But if you really want to know a person's age through their lips, you do it slowly."

I grabbed his face and kissed him slowly.

David, "26"

Me, "Closer."

I laughed and looked back. Travis was watching. Why did that make me feel bad?


The fashion show was over in 20 minutes or so. The bar was still open. I stumbled up for one last drink.

I asked the bartender how old I looked. He guessed it right off the bat. Exactly. I am not a round number.

I said, "How did you know that? What is the indication?"

He said, "Its a gift. I should perform in circuses."

I sat and enjoyed my beverage as David kept rushing me to hang out in his car and smoke out. I was carpooling with Matt and just didn't want to make-out in a car parked in the shit section of West Los Angeles.

Jerry was getting text messages from a young woman. He read aloud, "Since I am young and you are married, its probably a bad idea we hang out." I said, "Yes it is" and grabbed his phone. "Let me text her what's what."

Jerry cried out for his phone, took it back and huddled over it like a fucking squirrel with the last acorn of autumn.

David played hot and cold with me, he was trying to gauge how serious I was about schooling him in the art of love. I said, "I have to go." David, "Fine. Nevermind." Then he would ask me to kiss his cheek, then his other cheek. Adorable.

He had about 6 drinks.

David, "So when did you graduate high school?"

Me, "A long, long time ago."

David, "03'?"

Me, "Ha! Ok. So what do they do to boys in Montana to make them big and strong like you? Football?"

David, "Um. No. I mean, I played different sports."

Me, "Plow the fields?"

David, "Only when I had to."

Me, "Corn? Cotton?"

David, "Wheat."

Me, "Oh, really? I was joking."

David, "What? What about?"

Matt was smoking a bummed cigarette and I said, "I have to take Matt home and have animals to feed."

David, "I love you, though. When will I see you?"

I gave him my card.

Then Glasses got my card.

I got in my car, put on my flats and Matt said, "Were we just paid for that?"

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